Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
