I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
