it's too hot outside to masturbate.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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