he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
