This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
