Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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