Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
