My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
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