I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
