so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
