'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
