Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
