i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
