Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
