i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
