I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
