I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
