if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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