we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so let's talk penis.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
