I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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