I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
