...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
he had hair everywhere except his balls
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
