I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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