i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
