How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
