i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
