i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
