you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
