You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He passed out mid-signature
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
