so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize