Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
