4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize