So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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