I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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