the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
