i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
