apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
