it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
