38 yer olds are good kisserssss
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
