I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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