Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
try to milk me bitch
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
