Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
