Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
