My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
