my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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