She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
