drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
