I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
