Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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