I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
