I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
