I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
