Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Sober January is a disaster.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
