Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Sorry about my life...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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