i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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