last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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