Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
