I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
