Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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