I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I want to be your penis for a week.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
