we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
