feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize