I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
