I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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