i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Randomize
