dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
