i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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